Are you okay with being different?
I had to ask myself: are you okay living in a world where everyone around you is doing something different than you?
Are you okay living in a world where your choices are solely made from a space of what YOU want to do, not what you think others want to see you do?
Are you okay with standing out Feircely?
Are you okay with being SEEN? For all you are. All your imperfections.
Are you okay with doing things that others may not understand?
Are you okay with doing things that people will judge you for?
I realized in my 75 minute advanced flow yoga class, that I really really wanted to be okay with all of those things.
I had moved my neck during a twist at the beginning of class that had somehow linked my mind-body connection into a sensation of erupting anxiety and I found myself unable to move without an overwhelming jolt of pain and panic moving up my spine.
I felt like I was going to throw up, like I was going to faint. I felt like my body was buzzing and I wanted desperately to escape the skin I was in.
And I really wanted to be okay with the fact that there was probably somebody in class who was judging me for sitting on the floor, cross legged with my eyes closed, trying to breathe, while everyone around me was working through the guided, and somewhat challenging, flow.
I realized in my 75 minute advanced flow yoga class that I was really terrified to be okay with all of these things I wanted to be okay with.
I was really terrified to stand out, to be seen as imperfect, to be judged....
I was terrified, yet as class moved on I recognized that while I was afraid of what others were thinking of me, I was also recognizing that if I listened to my body I became clear on what was best for me.
There would have been a time in my life when I would have uncomfortably pushed myself through this class, completely disregarding what my body was telling me, because I didn't want to seem like "a failure", like I was "weak", like I "wasn't capable" or that I "couldn't keep up".
The truth is, I wasn't tired. I wasn't incapable. I wasn't lost or unable to do the poses.
I realized I had three choices:
1. Leave class. Pack up all my things and leave. Run away from the problem.
2. Push through the 75 minutes of intense movement. Possibly injure myself as I resisted what my body was telling me to do.
3. Stay in class, but do what my body needed. Which looked like child's pose, sitting cross legged, sitting on my shins, breathing deeply with my eyes closed, stretching my hands over my head and laying on my back to ground myself.
As the teacher's voice talked about not letting our ego get in the way of our practice and encouraging the class to take breaks when needed, I couldn't help but believe she was just trying to "make me feel better" as I was obviously not participating in the flow.
I assumed everyone saw me, and I assumed people thought something was "wrong" or that I had "signed up for the wrong class".
And I eventually had a thought that changed the way I felt for the rest of the class.
I asked myself who the heck I thought I was for thinking that the twenty people in this class actually cared that much about what I was doing. How selfish of me.
And then I asked myself: are you okay living in a world where everyone around you is doing something different than you?
Yoga class is always a direct representation of life.
At the end of the day, it's up to ME, its up to YOU, to decide if you are okay living a life you WANT to live because you want it, or because it's what the world around you is telling you that you should be doing.
I believe in your dreams + I hope you do too.